Narrator: Having defeated and captured the astronaut in the ocean, our heroes now turned their attention to finding the third and final cursed. But HOBaRT’s latest reading was about to prove… unusual.
HOBaRT: [beeps and whirrs] Cursed power detected five hundred kilometers above present location.
Takane: Five hundred kilometers? Is that not in space?!
Wood Man: Ah, dammit. I knew I should’ve ordered those rocket thrusters for the Wood Van.
Takane: So, however are we supposed to get there?
Yohane: Hmm… When I was searching the space station, I found a shuttle that still looked intact. I shall take you all there!
Wood Man: Huh. It’s got just enough fuel to get us there.
Takane: Let’s prepare for the trip, then.
Narrator: They loaded Felix and the astronaut helmet onto the shuttle, and set the Wood Van to autopilot home. Then, they were ready for takeoff.
[thrusters starting]
HOBaRT: Liftoff in T minus 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Thrusters engaged!
[whooshing, splashing]
Wood Man: I can see my house from here!
Takane: Really?
Wood Man: I mean, I don’t know which one it is, but it’s down there somewhere.
Narrator: As the shuttle flew, so too did time. By the time they left the atmosphere, only one day remained before Halloween night.
HOBaRT: Distance to destination is 30 kilometers.
[beeping]
HOBaRT: Distress signal received from: nearby ship.
Takane: Oh no!
Wood Man: Ugh, are we gonna have to take a detour?
Yohane: Ah, but look at the navigation screen!
HOBaRT: Distance to signal source is 30 kilometers.
Wood Man: Huh. Guess no detour after all.
Takane: It’s the same ship?
Wood Man: Looks like it.
Narrator: It wasn’t long before their destination came into sight. A magnificent spaceship, longer than it was tall, covered in heavy plating and decked out with a mighty cannon. But it was obvious that all was not well. The dreadnought floated aimlessly through the void, and its emergency beacon flashed urgently.
Takane: That’s quite the ship.
Yohane: It seems to bear its name on the side.
Wood Man: The… Skeld? Huh, never heard of it.
HOBaRT: Docking procedure initiated.
[servos move, clunking, whooshing of air]
Yohane: Well, let’s go aboard.
[door opening, footsteps]
Narrator: The ship’s interior was lit in a dull red, and its pristine corridors seemed… strangely empty.
Takane: Hello? Is anybody here?
[footsteps]
Crewmate: Ah! Oh, thank god, someone came! Please please, you have to help me!
Wood Man: All right, dude. I’m gonna need you to take it down by about 11. What exactly is going on and shouldn’t there be more people on board?
Crewmate: My crew and I… We were just on a regular mission, you know? We had all our tasks to do as usual, but we didn’t realise… there was an imposter among us.
Takane: That sounds… fishy.
Crewmate: It’s more than that. You asked where everyone else was, right? Well they’re all dead! The imposter killed them!
Wood Man: What the hell for?
Crewmate: I don’t know! All I know is that I’m next!
Yohane: You mean this mimicker is still on the loose?
Crewmate: Yeah! It could be anywhere! It can use the vents to get around and pick us off one by one. We need to stick together and catch it.
Wood Man: Uhh, hold on. I’m not so sure about that. It was great to meet you, but uhh, it’s time we got going.
Takane: Wait, Wood Man! This impersonator might be the cursed!
Wood Man: Look, we can’t do anything about the cursed if we’re dead.
Yohane: I will use my infernal powers to protect us!
Takane: If we stick together like this crew member said, we could be safe.
Wood Man: [sigh] Fine. But we’re getting out of here at the first sign of trouble.
[footsteps]
Takane: HOBaRT, can you detect the exact location of the cursed?
HOBaRT: [beeps and whirrs] Negative power readings fluctuating.
[door slams]
Wood Man: AH! Ah, it was nothing.
[muffled talking]
Wood Man: Okay, that’s not nothing.
Takane: It’s coming from that way!
[footsteps]
Takane: I can hear it from in there. Looks like it’s the electrical room.
Crewmate: Oh no, not Electrical!
Yohane: Wood Man, you and HOBaRT should go inside. The rest of us can stand watch out here.
HOBaRT: Now watching Wood Man’s six.
[door opening]
Narrator: Carefully, they made their way to the back of the room, where they saw a “compact” figure tied up by electrical wires.
Jerma985: Wha- what am I doing here? I- I don’t wanna be in this game. Chat, get me out of here.
Wood Man: Who- who are you? Are you the one who killed the crew?
Jerma985: Did I eat the other passengers? Of course not! What, do you think I’m insane? Do you think there’s something wrong with me, hm? What’s wrong with you, that’s- that’s my question, you know? What’s wrong with you?
Wood Man: Okay, relax dude. Wait, hold on. I know you. Aren’t you the, uh… the sus guy?
Jerma985: Do not call me the sus guy. “Sus guy”, really? That- that’s not what I go by. My name is Jerma. Jerma! And this is the Jerma985 community that you’re messing with, hm?
Wood Man: Community? Ugh, whatever. Look, I’m gonna let you out, but you better not kill anybody. No offense, but you do look a little, uh… questionable.
Jerma985: I- Is this about the serial killer thing? That- that meme is completely inaccurate. It is not representative of who I am. Now- now let me out.
[crossing of wires, task complete sound]
Narrator: Meanwhile, outside Electrical.
Takane: I don’t like standing here. This whole place gives me the creeps!
Yohane: Just a little longer before they’re back. I’m sure.
[sound of something in the vents]
Takane: What was that?
Crewmate: Oh no, oh no! It’s gotta be the imposter! We gotta catch it before it gets to us!
Takane: Wait, not without Wood Man and HOBaRT.
Yohane: Takane, this could be our only chance! We need to take it.
Crewmate: Come on!
[footsteps]
Takane: Wait! [sighs]
[door opening]
Wood Man: What the-? Where did everyone go? Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me!
HOBaRT: Vital signs detected 50 meters to the south.
Wood Man: Okay, let’s go find them, then.
[footsteps]
Crewmate: [in the distance] They were sus. There was no other choice. They were sus. Sussy bakas. They were all sussy bakas.
Wood Man: Hello?
Crewmate: Ah! Oh, it’s just you. I lost sight of your friends. The imposter must’ve got them. The imposter gets everyone…
Wood Man: What?! No, they can’t be dead! Tell me where they are. Maybe I could still save them.
Crewmate: They were in Security. [nervous laughter] Too busy watching the cams!
Wood Man: Whatever, I’m going there right now. You can come if you want.
Jerma985: Well I’ve- I’ve got nothing better to do, I guess.
[footsteps]
Wood Man: We’re almost there.
Jerma985: Oh yeah, this guy’s sus. Sus, sus, susususususus. Oh, the face.
Wood Man: Shut up, back there!
Wood Man: Okay, we’re here.
Jerma985: Life is pain! I hate-
[death sound]
Wood Man: What the-? Oh shit! Come here, you little traitor!
[venting]
Wood Man: Dammit. I could’ve sworn that other guy would be the murderer.
Takane: No!
Yohane: It would seem we arrived too late.
Wood Man: Where were you?
Takane: We ran off with that crew member, but then, once he had us alone, he tried to kill us!
Yohane: We fought him off, but then he vanished.
Wood Man: Ugh, he could be anywhere now.
[venting]
Crewmate: Like right behind you!
Yohane: Ah! Release me!
[venting]
Takane: Yohane!
Wood Man: Quick, follow the sound!
Narrator: They chased the sound into the weapons room, which was stocked with more armaments than usual.
Wood Man: There’s a vent here. Let’s see if they come out.
Takane: Wood Man, grab that white gun!
[gun cocking]
Wood Man: Huh. I didn’t know Apple made shotguns, but it’ll do.
Narrator: Suddenly, the vent opened once more, and no one was prepared for what would emerge.
[venting]
Takane: Uh, Yohane?
Wood Man: And.. Yohane?
Narrator: There is one imposter among us.
Yohane: Takane! Wood Man! I don’t know what he did, but-
Yohane?: [obviously audio processed] He morphed into my doppelganger. You have to stop him!
Yohane: No, that’s him! I’m me.
Wood Man: Well, okay. I officially hate this.
Takane: They’re virtually indistinguishable in every way! How can we choose the true one?!
Wood Man: When this happens in the movies, they always ask questions only the real one would know.
Takane: Oh, okay! Yohane, what’s your favourite ice cream flavor?
Yohane: I’ve never even told you what that is!
Yohane?: Grape.
Wood Man: Does that even exist?
Takane: What was the name of your first pet?
Yohane?: Nocturne.
Yohane: It’s Laelaps!
Takane: Laelaps… And what was your mother’s maiden name?
Wood Man: What’s the street you grew up on?
Yohane: Hold on. Are you trying to get into my bank account?
Takane: What? Never!
Wood Man: Just tell me the last four digits of your social security number and we’ll forget this ever happened.
Takane: Wood Man?!
Wood Man: What?!
Yohane: Ugh, just give me that.
[punch, gun shooting, imposter yells]
Wood Man: Is he… dead?
Crewmate: Oh, this is so not cash money.
Takane: I guess that gun’s ammunition was non-lethal. Let’s tie him up and get him back on the shuttle.
[footsteps]
Wood Man: Great job, Yohane! But how did you know which one to shoot?
[silence]
Yohane: Anyway, let’s make haste. I believe we have a deadline to meet.
[alarm blares]
Takane: What’s going on?!
HOBaRT: Warning! Orbit has reached critically low height. Atmosphere reentry imminent.
Wood Man: Uh oh.
Takane: HOBaRT, can you fly this ship?
HOBaRT: Affirmative.
Yohane: So, you can get us back into orbit!
HOBaRT: Negative. Best case scenario: crash landing with minimal casualties.
Takane: What’s your definition of “minimal”?
Wood Man: We’re going to find out soon.
