FANDOM


"Take my advice and never make a joke again."
―Santa Claus

"Loves the Ladies [Episode 7] - The SilvaGunner Christmas Comeback Crisis" is a lore video and the true seventh episode of The SilvaGunner Christmas Comeback Crisis.

Plot summary Edit

Angry Joe reports the failure of his operation against Santa Claus to The Voice Inside Your Head, including the fact that Santa Claus managed to escape with Smol Nozomi and Meta Knight. However, Joe redeems himself by giving The Voice a vial of Christmas Spirit that he managed to recover. The Voice is pleased with the precious vial, giving Joe a "present" before dismissing him.

The Voice then calls in President Haltmann, who reports a resounding success in his efforts to take over the world and eliminate anime. As a "reward", The Voice calls Haltmann's daughter Susie to sing the president's theme. However, "Susie" is actually a poorly-disguised Haruka Amami, who sings a fantastic interpretation of "The Noble Haltmann" (contrasting with that of Susie's). Haltmann storms out, infuriated at the Voice trying to pass Haruka as Haltmann's daughter.

Meanwhile, Nozomi, Meta Knight and Santa Claus return to Grandiose City from the North Pole. Santa Claus reveals that The Voice is a hybrid between Figment and human, a being so powerful that he could only be defeated using a weapon enhanced by Christmas Spirit. Before the trio can attack the Voice, however, they must scout his barracks.

Once near the barracks, the trio is ambushed by Angry Joe, who unveils his "present" from the Voice: Mecha-Dick. Mecha-Dick is easily outclassed by the Smolitzer, but after sustaining the loss of an arm, the bot breaks apart to reveal an even smaller robot: Mecha-Dick MK-II. The MK-II bot outmaneuvers the Smolitzer with superior speed, pummeling it and its three occupants. Soon, it is clear that the Smolitzer is outclassed, and Joe demands that Santa surrender.

Santa refuses, and pours a full vial of Christmas Spirit into the Smolitzer, empowering it well beyond even the MK-II's abilities. The Smolitzer tears Mecha-Dick in half, and Angry Joe barely escapes. Our trio of heroes catch their breath, and lament the loss of a precious vial. They head back to the barracks...

Note: To bridge the long gap between this episode and the previous episode, the Joke-Explainer 7000 gives the audience a recap of the Crisis's first six episodes at the beginning of the video.

Track list Edit

Time stamp(s) Song / rip name Note
0:00 - 1:16, 5:56 - 6:18 "Magolor Shop" from Team Kirby Clash Deluxe. JK-EX-7000's theme.
1:18 - 1:22 ??? Anime-style (?) opening sound effect.
1:23 - 1:48 "First Contact" from Kirby Planet Robobot. Plays in the Prologue and the recap.
1:51 - 2:13, 12:43 - 13:02 "NYC Streets" from Deus Ex Tense theme.
2:15 - 2:29 "Pink Ball Activate! Robobot Armor" from Kirby Planet Robobot Plays in the Episode 2 and the recap.
2:30 - 2:50 DND (Do Not Destroy) - No More Heroes The Rapper's Union theme.
2:52 - 3:13, 7:29 - 8:43 "The Secretary That Forgot Love" from Kirby Planet Robobot President Haltmann's theme.
3:15 - 3:55 Colonial (Battle) - FTL: Faster Than Light Plays during Episode 3 and the recap.
3:57 - 4:22 mm2wood Wood Man's theme.
4:24 - 4:41, 20:43 - 21:28 "Comrades in Arms" from Kirby Planet Robobot Plays in the recap and at the after the Mecha Dick fight.
4:43 - 4:57 Wave of The Beanbot - The SiIvaGunner Christmas Comeback Crisis Original Soundtrack
5:00-5:19 You Say Run - My Hero Academia: Battle for All Plays during Episode 6 and in the recap.
5:22 - 5:34 A hummed rendition of "Baka Mitai" from Yakuza 5. Plays during the end of Episode 6 and in the recap.
6:25 - 7:15 ??? Plays in the Tower.
8:47 - 8:52 "Long Elevator" from Undertale Plays when "Susie" is summoned to the Tower.
9:19 - 11:28 Clear Movie (The Noble Haltmann) - Kirby Planet Robobot Plays during "Susie"'s rendition of "The Noble Haltmann"
11:34 - 12:36 "The Noble Haltmann" from Kirby Planet Robobot Alternate Haltmann's theme.
13:03 - 14:14, 14:22 - 16:06 DCMC Concert - Mother 3 Plays during Nozomi and Meta Knight's discussion with Santa.
16:09 - 16:36 ??? Plays just before the assault on the Voice's barracks.
16:41 - 17:16 "Crossing the Rubicon" from The Human Abstract (in 8-Bit format) Angry Joe's Angry Reviews theme song
17:22 - 18:14 "VS. The Wicked Company" from Kirby Planet Robobot. Plays during the first phase of the Mecha Dick fight.
18:26 - 19:28 "Tridimensional Cannon: D.D.D." from Kirby Planet Robobot Plays during the second phase of the Mecha Dick fight
19:45 - 20:37 ??? Plays during the final phase of the Mecha Dick fight.

Transcript Edit

IntroEdit

To read the introduction, click "Expand"!

JK-EX-7000: Hi, I'm the Joke-ExplainerTM 7000! I was built for the express purpose of explaining (and subsequently ruining) the joke and kayfabe on otherwise obscure rips. However, today I am here for a different purpose: to introduce episode 7 of The SilvaGunner Christmas Comeback Crisis: Loves the Ladies!

Most of you are probably wondering why this episode took so long to come out. Well, as it was explained in the Megalovania (Chex Mix) video, the team ran into some development hell. They would like to apologize for the wait. But this time, it looks like things have been resolved! Expect episodes to come out more frequently......or at least, not take as absurdly long per episode this time. You never know what could happen in this world of ours.

As you know, we've already reached the halfway point of the series. So, as per tradition of anime, it's time for the obligatory recap! Now, don't go just yet! This IS a new episode, but if you want to skip the recap and jump straight into the action, skip to 6:20. However, many of you are probably new to this channel. For newcomers, I highly recommend checking out the Timeline video, which sums up everything which has happened from SiIvaGunner's conception to now.

There's also the playlist for the complete Comeback Crisis series to date, but it's only recommended that you watch this after familiarizing yourself with the channel's lore. Otherwise, if you need a refresher or are just looking to waste time, then just sit back...

Recap Edit

To read the recap, click "Expand"!

Crisis is afoot! While the leader of our channel is having a well-deserved rest, the peaceful, high-quality world of SiIvaGunner is invaded by a mysterious villain!

The villain brought SiIvaGunner's running jokes to life using his computer, kidnapped them, and turned the quaint little town into a futuristic nightmare under his control!

Some of the running jokes tried to stop him, but it as in vain... ...however one of them was too smol to be captured.

Enter our hero, the very smol Nozomi. Determined to save her friends, she headed into the city.

The entire city was under control, with robots everywhere. The villain finally revealed himself to the public. His name... The Voice Inside Your Head.

After he broadcasted the murder of the Cinderella Girls to everyone as a demonstration of his power, he swore that he would destroy anime forever and rule the world.

Not long after, Nozomi is found and pursued by enemy robots! She quickly looks for a way to escape... After being cornered in an alleyway, Nozomi disabled a pursuing robot with some quick wit...
...and turned it into her own pilotable mecha, the Smolitzer! With her newfound advantage, she was able to make short work of the rest of the robots.

Meanwhile, a group known as the Rapper's Union was planning to overthrow the Voice's regime and take the city for themselves. They decided to start by taking over a building nearby, which was heavily guarded...

...until Nozomi and the Smolitzer showed up to even the odds!

After an expression of gratitude from the Union, Nozomi headed off to pursue her friends once again.

Meanwhile, the Voice is revealed to be working with Haltmann. Haltmann reveals his Harlequin Force Stringbots designed for crowd control, which the Voice then approves for manufacture. The Stringbots prove to be a succesful deterrent against the increasing riots in the city. Wood Man meets up with the Voice; it is revealed that Wood Man was created by The Voice as an accident during the reboot.

The Voice then explains to Wood Man the rules of this universe, and how there are two types of beings: Humans, and Figments. Figments being powerful beings who only exist inside the imagination...
...and Humans, the mortals who create them.

Figments can kill eachother [sic] as much as they please within the realm of fiction, while Humans are not. If a human has had a lasting legacy, it lives on as a Figment. However, when Figments die in the real world, they are purged from existence. This is why the Voice wanted to bring Figments to the real world; to kill the ones he doesn't like.

After the Voice's loss to Chad Warden, he was seemingly gone forever. But because Wood Man kept him alive as an idea, he was able to bide his time until Wood Man could take over the channel and develop a way for Figments to transcend planes.

So, The Voice ordered Wood Man to kill Nozomi...
...and he failed spectacularly.

Distaught with his loss, Wood Man decided to quit working for the Voice to do what he felt like doing. He teamed up with Robbit Rotten, who had recently snuck his way out of the Voice's tower!

Back at the tower itself, the Voice was prepared for an assault... while Haltmann was growing more wary of the Voice.

Back in the city, Nozomi encountered a mysterious new ally... the enigmatic caped swordsman, Meta Knight! Meta Knight briefed her on the situation t hand, and how the Voice was planning an assault on the North Pole. Without a moment's hesitation, Nozomi and Meta Knight set off for the North Pole to rescue Santa...

When our heroes arrived at the scene, the place was swarming with tropes! Nozomi and Meta Knight carefully stealthed their way through the base to Santa's Workshop, where he was being held hostage.

After Santa was freed, he insisted that the place needed to be blown to smithereens. Santa smashed the self-destruct button, and the place was rigged to blow in 5 minutes!

After a mystery figure steals Santa's sleigh, our heroes fight their way out...
...but not before they are confronted by a reborn Nathaniel Welchert! Thankfully, our heroes managed to defeat him, with only seconds left to spare as the North Pole was decimated!

As our heroes made their way back from the North Pole, it is revealed that Santa blew up his own Workshop to prevent the Voice from getting a hold of Christmas Spirit, a resource capable of giving immense power.

Christmas Spirit is generated through people being jolly and celebrating the holidays; thus, the Voice wanted to create his own by resurrecting SiIvaGunner's channel to create Christmas-themed rips. But because the Voice was impure of heart, his Christmas Spirit was not as powerful, so he resorted to trying to capture and interrogate Santa for his instead.

Santa revealed that he had three vials of Christmas Spirit as backup. As our heroes traveled back to Grandiose City, he reminisced about a lost friend...

JK-EX-7000: And that's the recap!
Everything up until now. Thank you for being so patient in waiting for this episode. After 4 months in development, hopefully it will have been worth the weight.

So, without further ado, we proudly present The SilvaGunner Christmas Comeback Crisis, Episode 7: Loves the Ladies! Thanks, and have fun~!

In the Tower Edit

To read the section "In The Tower", click "Expand"!

Meanwhile, in the tower...

The Voice: So, Joe. how was the operation... and where is Santa?

Angry Joe: Uh...well... I done fucked it up.
Santa's Workshop blew up...

The Voice: ...Excuse me?!

Angry Joe: Yes. And Santa... escaped with Nozomi and a giant walking blueberry.

But, I did manage to get Santa's sleigh... and this.

Angry Joe pulled out a vial of Christmas Spirit.

The Voice: ...!

Angry Joe: It ain't a lot, but--

The Voice: No, no, it should be enough. With this pure sample, we should be able to extract enough information to produce our own Spirit much faster.

You've done enough today. Head back to the barracks. I've left a present for you there as a reward for your hard work.

Angry Joe: T-thank you, sir!

Joe left the premises.

The Voice leaned over and spoke into a small microphone.

The Voice: [With a short beep] Haltmann, please report to my office.

Within a minute, Haltmann arrived.

The Voice: Haltmann. Status report.

Hatlmann: The deployments have been widely successful, Voice. Asia, Africa, 75% of Europe, and 60% of South America are now ours. However, I'm sure Joe has already informed you of the unsuccessful attack on the North Pole. Stringbots have been keeping the citizens in order. Christmas Spirit research in the underground labs is well underway. The Robbie Rotten figment seems to have escaped...

The Voice: Unimportant; he is no threat. I'm sure the outside world will make short work for His Incompetency anyway. Continue.

Haltmann: Successful Figment exterminations today: the entire casts of Sword Art Online, Re:Zero, Charlotte, Aikatsu, Berserk, and Monogatari. ...whoever they were, anyway.

These "μ 's" you speak of have also been terminated at your request. ...Sir it's strange... I don't really remember who I executed today.

The Voice: Don't worry about it.

Haltmann: ...Anyway, we have scheduled the execution of the Macross, Madoka, and Kill la Kill casts tomorrow, and we're still trying to get a hold on the location of Ore no Imouto's...

The Voice: Excellent. Do you know where Wood Man is?

Haltmann: I haven't heard back from him, sir.

The Voice: Hmm. Well, anyway, great work so far. I think you've finally earned it.

Haltmann: ...Oh?

The Voice: Haltmann, I've been... ahem... hard at work bringing back your daughter. And now the time has finally come. I am proud to present to you... Susie!

["Long Elevator" from Undertale plays as "Susie" arrives.]

A platform raised in the middle of the office. It was... not actually Susie.

Haltmann: ...Excuse me?

The Voice: Incredible, is it not?

Haltmann: What is the meaning of this, Voice?! She doesn't even look like her!

The Voice: No, no, she's the real deal, I assure you. Watch as she performs your anthem: "The Noble Haltmann"!

["Susie" performs "The Noble Haltmann"]

???: D-did you like it?

Haltmann: ...Bravo. I will admit, that was a fantastic performance. ...But can't you see, Voice?! This is CLEARLY not Susie.

The Voice: How would you know? You literally could not see your own daughter right in front of you during your own game!

Haltmann: Do not take me for a blind fool, Voice. You promised me that you would bring back Susie in exchange for helping you build your empire, and THIS is how you repay me?!

I wish I could wipe that purple dot off your face, you contemptuous prism-headed hypocrite!

The Voice: Listen to me, Haltmann. I am sorry. I tried my hardest. But next time, I PROMISE Susie will be back. Indubitably. Now would you get back to helping me run the world? I'll give you a more comfortable chair...

Haltmann: ...

Haltmann stormed out of the office, leaving a flabbergasted Voice and Haruka alone.

Haruka: Just sayin', you wouldn't make a very good producer.

The Voice: Oh, shut up.

Outside Grandiose CityEdit

To read the section "Outside Grandoise City", click "Expand"!

Meanwhile, Santa Claus, Meta Knight, and Nozomi were making their way back from the North Pole.

Meta Knight: This is it, Santa. This is the new "Grandiose City".

Santa: Good heavens! What has the Voice done to this place?

The Smolitzer's fuel gauge flashed red.

Meta Knight: Looks like we'll need to land for now. Let's head back to the abandoned garages.

Santa, Meta Knight, and Nozomi slowly descended onto land.

Meta Knight: Alright, Santa, listen. It really is too dangerous for a high-priority target like yourself to be running around. You should stay here.

Santa: Nonsense. I may be old, but I can still hold my own in a fight!

Meta Knight: If you insist... Anyway, we need a plan to rescue the Figments and terminate the Voice.

Security is way too tight, and we don't have enough firepower to burst through the tower with brute force...

Santa: Worse still, the Voice is no ordinary being. He's a hybrid of human and Figment.

Meta Knighht: So how do we take care of "hybrids" like that?

Santa: There are a few ways to get rid of a hybrid for good, but since it's the season right now... we could kill him with Christmas Spirit.

Meta Knight: So shall we take one of those vials and splash it on him?

Santa: Ho ho ho! It's not that simple, I'm afraid-- that would only empower him!

What we need to do is to use a weapon augmented with Christmas Spirit.

Meta Knight: So shall we take one of those vials, splash it on my sword, Galaxia, and stab him?

Santa: Well, I mean... I suppose that could work, but--

Meta Knight: Then it is settled. We shall take one of those vials and spla--

Santa: You're getting ahead of yourself!

Meta Knight: Yes, yes, okay. I was just making...

...a joke.

[Music stops]

There was an awkward silence.

[Music resumes]

Santa: Ho, ho ho!
Even small children tell better jokes than you do.

Take my advice and never make a joke again.

Meta Knight: ...Understood.

Anyway, there must be a way to weaken the Voice's forces. Perhaps... an assault on their barracks is necessary.

If we take on the barracks, we can weaken the Voice's control over the city, and he'll have to deploy reinforcements from his own base.

We'll need to survey the area. We'll also need more manpower.

Nozomi raised her hand and waved at Meta Knight.

Meta Knight: Eh? Nozomi, you're too smol to take them on by yourself.

Nozomi started to babble.

Santa: ...Excuse me?

Meta Knight: She's saying that she knows some people who can help.

Santa: How on Earth do you know what this little girl is saying?

Meta Knight: Call it... a knight's intuition.

Santa decided not to inquire any further.

Meta Knight: Apparently, they're called the "Rapper's Union".

Nozomi nodded.

Meta Knight: Alright. Well, I'll trust you on this one.

Meta Knight: Even with allies by our side, we'll need a good entry point. So first things first: We need to scout the barracks.

Santa: ...So what are we waiting for?

Meta Knight: Well...

Nozomi had a determined look on her face.

Meta Knight: Looks like she's definitely up to the punch.

Santa: It's best we go while the night is still young!

Meta Knight: Bringing the Smolitzer would get us noticed... We need to go on foot.

Santa, Meta Knight and Nozomi left the garages. They proceeded through the city until they reached the barracks, in the shadow of the tower.

The Barracks Edit

To read the section "The Barracks", click "Expand"!

Meta Knight: Troops everywhere.

Santa: Looks like whoever built this base took some inspiration from my own...

Meta Knight: Or rather, they just wanted it well-guarded like any proper base.

Santa: R-Right. Of course.

Meta Knight scanned the barracks.

Meta Knight: The back entrance seems cramped and light on guards. If we attack there, they'll be forced to fight us with only a few people at a time, making things a little easier.

Nozomi shouted. Santa and Meta Knight turned around to find a Patrol-Bot, with its spotlight shining on them!

???: HAHAHA! Well, look who made it back from the North Pole!

The gang turned around to find a scruffy, angry-looking man!

???: Fear me! For I am the angriest gamer you've ever heard...

Angry Joe: ...Angry Joe!!!

Santa: Wait... Are you the naughty hooligan who stole my sleigh?!

Angry Joe: Precisely!

You may have blown up the North Pole, but not before I managed to get my hands on some Christmas Spirit. Now we will be unstoppable!

But enough talk... It's time to put an end to your meddling.

Joe pressed a button. Suddenly, the familiar sound of a Patrol-Bot was heard from the sky. It was carrying a giant robot!

Angry Joe: Mecha-Dick... get 'em!

Mecha-Dick slammed onto the ground and let out a huge roar before letting loose a volley of missiles at Nozomi and the gang!
They quickly dove for cover.

Santa: We have to stop that thing!

Meta Knight: Would it not be wiser to retreat?

Santa: We've taken on robots before... Nozomi can do it!

Nozomi nodded and let out a loud cry.
BOOM! The Smolitzer slammed down right in front of them.

Santa: Everyone, get in!

Nozomi, Meta Knight, and Santa leapt into the Smolitzer and prepared to fight!

Mecha-Dick fired at the Smolitzer with its machine gun, but the Smolitzer was too agile. It was running circles around Mecha-Dick!

Mecha-Dick kept trying to land a hit, but with one swift punch, the Smolitzer took out one of its arms!

Santa: Hah! Easy as pie!

After a couple of well-aimed coal shots from Santa, Mecha-Dick was one. Smoldering, it ground to a halt.

Angry Joe: Haha... hahahaha...
It's a shame Mecha-Dick never got to go on its first civilian patrol run.

Meta Knight: See that, Angry Joe? You're no match for the Smolitzer.

Angry Joe: Well, you know what they say...

Mecha-Dick started to shake violently.

Angry Joe: ...It's always good to have a backup plan!

Mecha-Dick fell apart to reveal a smaller robot inside!

Meta Knight: !!

Angry Joe: Witness the power... of Mecha-Dick MK-II!

Mecha-Dick MK-II immediately propelled itself towards the Smolitzer and gave it a headbutt!

Meta Knight: Damn it! this thing is way faster!

Meta Knight tried to shoot a tornado towards Mecha-Dick MK-II, but it dodged!

The Smolitzer desperately tried to keep up with Mecha-Dick MK-II's movements, but it was far too agile.
The Smolitzer was taking blows left and right!

Angry Joe: Oh, Haltmann... you're quite the artisan, aren't ya?

The Smolitzer was severely damaged. Meta Knight, Nozomi, and Santa were in bad shape too.

Angry Joe: It looks like you've met your match.
Now, surrender, Santa!
If you do, MAYBE I'll go easy on these other two fuckers.

[Music fades]
Santa: N-never... Joe...

Angry Joe: What are you going to do about it, you little bitch?

Santa had no choice. He uncorked one of his green vials.

Santa: I'm gonna jingle all the way!

[Music starts again]
Santa poured the Christmas Spirit into the Smolitzer. There was a blinding flash of green, and when it faded, the Smolitzer was totally repaired!

Angry Joe: What the fuck?!

The Smolitzer continued to grow, and Nozomi felt invigorated!
She found the Smolitzer could move much faster!

Mecha-Dick MK-II got up to punch the Smolitzer, but its fist uselessly bounced off!

Angry Joe: You can still win, Mecha-Dick! Bring out the raingun!

Mecha-Dick transformed its chest into an enormous, futuristic-looking gun and discharged a massive beam of bright red destruction.

But the Smolitzer tanked the hit. Mecha-Dick MK-II continued firing at the Smolitzer in vain as it slowly approached...

...and finally, the Smolitzer grabbed Mecha-Dick with both hands and tore it in two!

Angry Joe: ....Shit. I need to get the hell out of here!

Joe and the Patrol-Bots fled the scene.
The Smolitzer's green aura faded away as Meta Knight, Santa, and Nozomi caught their breath.

Santa: Well... that's one down.

Meta Knight: Santa, I cannot thank you enough for saving us.

And as powerful as that Spirit is... you should really use it sparingly.

Santa: I know.
But... we had no choice this time.

Nozomi started to wave her hands and babble.

Meta Knight: You're right... We'd better get the hell out of here before reinforcements arrive.

Nozomi, Meta Knight, Santa, and the Smolitzer made their way back to the garages.

TO BE CONTINUED

Trivia Edit

  • The line "worth the weight" is most likely an intentional misspelling of "worth the wait" in reference to Valve Time, a tongue-in-cheek reference to the extremely long development time used by Valve Inc. The phrase "worth the wait" comes from a Team Fortress 2 commentary node narrated by Gabe Newell. The usage of "weight" also points to Newell's physique.
  • The description is a reference to Tito Dick and The Nutshack. Myx TV was the host of the show for two seasons, and "loves the ladies" is a lyric from the opening theme.
  • The description's catchphrase is associated with Solid Snake from the Metal Gear Solid series. It is most likely a nod to the long gap between this and the previous episode.
  • The final seconds of the rip have this text:

48 61 70 70 79 20 62 69 72 74 68 64 6179 20 43 68 61 7a 65 21

    • This translates to "Happy birthday Chaze!" in hexadecimal.
Episodes

Prologue: "Prologue" • Episode 1: "Seasonal Return" • Episode 2: "No Place To Hide" • Episode 3: "Old Times" • Episode 4: "Will of a Knight" • Episode 5: "Haltmann" • Episode 6: "Advent of Hell" • Episode 7: "Loves the Ladies" • Episode 8: "An Acrimonious Assault" • Episode 9: "Timbre of a Kazoo" • Episode 10: "I Love Her"


Bonus Episodes
"Episode VIII.5 ~A Fragmentary Interlude~" • "[AUDIOLOG: 19:27, HEAD_OFFICE]" • "Bad Moon Rising" • "Wood Man & Robbie Rotten" • "The Lost Rip" • "The Life and Times of Wade L.D." • "Unusual Circumstances"


Haltmann's Archives
FILE-01: "The Creation of GiIvaSunner" • FILE-02: "Termination" • FILE-03: "The Loudest Store" • FILE-04: "Anomalies, Portals and Fabrications" • FILE-05: "The Werewolf" • FILE-06: "The Supreme Visitor" • FILE-07: "Christmas Spirit" • FILE-08: "Sample" • FILE-09: "Project AIRTH" • FILE-10: "Robotic Usurper" • FILE-11: "The Joke-Explainer™ 7000" • FILE-12: "Albums" • FILE-13: "Mechanizing Occupation Project"


Fake / Troll Episodes
"Last Hurrah [FINALE]" • "Large Gains [Episode 7]" (blooper video) • "The End... - SiIvaGunner: The Video Game" • "Treacherous Addiction [Episode 9]" • "The Final Rip..." ("...of 2017")


Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.