SiIvaGunner Wiki

"Performance Review [FILE-21] - Haltmann's Archives" is a lore video and the twenty-first "file" in Haltmann's Archives.

Summary[]

The video opens with a dated display with President Haltmann's logo on it showing this message in yellow text:

[Haltmann's Archives]
FILE-21
[PERFORMANCE REVIEW]

This FILE explores the November 2022 Employee Performance Review for Haltmann Works, Co., presented by Temporary Administrative Secretary Jerry T.:

Character Productivity Behavior Net Value Overall Performance
Dr. Andonuts 5/5 5/5 5/5 15/15
Dr. Issac Kleiner 5/5 5/5 5/5 15/15
Director Kane 4/5 5/5 4/5 13/15
Dr. Dell Conagher 5/5 5/5 5/5 15/15
Dr. Alphys 4/5 3/5 5/5 12/15
Peridot Facet-2F5L CUT-5XG 5/5 2/5 4/5 11/15
Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System 5/5 1/5 5/5 11/15
Junko Enoshima 5/5 0/5 5/5 10/15
Dr. Marion Wheeler [EXPUNGED] [EXPUNGED] [EXPUNGED] [EXPUNGED]
Professor Elvin Gadd 2/5 4/5 3/5 9/15
Dr. Edgar George Zomboss 2/5 3/5 2/5 7/15
Jackson Colero 2/5 2/5 1/5 5/15
Sheldon J. Plankton 3/5 1/5 0/5 4/15
Dr. Neo Periwinkle Cortex 1/5 1/5 1/5 3/15
Colress 4/5 3/5 4/5 11/15
William Afton 0/5 0/5 0/5 0/15
Howard Matthew Moses Long 5/5 5/5 5/5 15/15
Peter Löwenbräu Griffin Sr. 5/5 5/5 5/5 15/15
Kainé/Tyrann 5/5 3/5 5/5 13/15
The Grinch 5/5 2/5 0/5 7/15
Yoshikage Kira 4/5 0/5 5/5 9/15
Homer Jay Simpson 5/5 5/5 5/5 15/15
Michael Wayne Rosen 5/5 4/5 5/5 14/15
Professor Quigley 3/5 1/5 2/5 6/15

Context[]

This FILE serves to establish a large list of employees who have worked for Haltmann Works R&D. It is told through the story of a worker for the Employee Performance Review, who gives a brief summary of each worker for Haltmann Works Co. prior to the events of "One Last Chance (Episode 11) - The SilvaGunner Christmas Comeback Crisis", and whether they have effected the company positively or negatively.

Several references are made in the video, such as:

Transcript[]

[Haltmann's Archives]
FILE-21
[PERFORMANCE REVIEW]
Presented below is the November 2022 Employee Performance Review for Haltmann Works Co. As you may be aware, the company's previous two Administrative Secretaries have either gone missing with no hope of retrieval (in the case of [YoRHa No. 9 Type S]), or been declared legally deceased (in the case of [Wade L.D.]). While we search for a more sustainable long-term replacement, [Mr. Marks] has selected me to temporarily perform the role in the interim,


As always, these performance reviews are only written in response to an employee's notable successes or shortcomings, and as such not all employees of note are listed.


Science Team
  • Administrator
  • Quantum Physicist
  • Roboticist
  • Geneticist
Date of Employment: December 15th, 2016
Science Team
Dr. Isaac Kleiner
  • Quantum Physicist
  • Biologist
Date of Employment: June 1st, 2017
PRODUCTIVITY 5/5
BEHAVIOUR 5/5
NET WORTH 5/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 15/15

Dr. Andonuts has been working closely with Dr. Issac Kleiner in hope of discovering the cause of our world's extended time dilation. The two have since made notable headway, and Dr. Andonuts has claimed to be very close to a breakthrough. Arrangements should be made to increase the volume of donuts included in their shipments, as they requested.


Science Team
Director Kane
  • Co-Administrator
  • Roboticist
Date of Employment: December 14th, 2016
PRODUCTIVITY 4/5
BEHAVIOUR 5/5
NET WORTH 4/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 13/15
Science Team
Dr. Dell Conagher
  • Roboticist
  • Biologist
Date of Employment: August 10th, 2017
PRODUCTIVITY 5/5
BEHAVIOUR 5/5
NET WORTH 5/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 15/15

Director Kane and Dr. Dell Conagher have continued to create new, cutting-edge technology for Haltmann Works Company, along with showing consistent loyalty. Dr. Dell Conagher has specifically been looking into potential trade agreements with the sovereign nation of Australia. In recognition of their top-quality work, I suggest they be rewarded with more work.


Science Team
Dr. Alphys
  • Roboticist
  • Biologist
Date of Employment: December 16th, 2016
PRODUCTIVITY 4/5
BEHAVIOUR 3/5
NET WORTH 5/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 12/15

Since the death of Professor JustinRPG, Dr. Alphys has comfortably taken the lead on Christmas Spirit Development and Research. In response, a reassessment of her previously restricted internet privileges may be in order.


Science Team
Peridot Facet-2F5L Cut-5XG
  • Roboticist
  • Geologist
  • Botanist
Date of Employment: June 9th, 2018
PRODUCTIVITY 5/5
BEHAVIOUR 2/5
NET WORTH 4/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 11/15

Despite delivering consistent high-quality work, researcher Peridot has directly caused multiple PR scandals, engaging in prolonged conflicts with social media users claiming to be "Supahstar Warriahs". Consider restricting her internet access.


Science Team
Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System
  • Roboticist
  • Quantum Physicist
  • Psychologist
Date of Employment: January 13th, 2017
PRODUCTIVITY 5/5
BEHAVIOUR 1/5
NET WORTH 5/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 11/15

Following the previous performance review, GLaDOS has been granted an extra 5 volts of energy in acknowledgement of her remarkable accomplishments. However, she has since made yet another request for deadly neurotoxin, and as such her voltage should be brought back down.


Science Team
Junko Enoshima
  • Data Analyst
  • Roboticist
Date of Employment: January 13th, 2017
PRODUCTIVITY 5/5
BEHAVIOUR 0/5
NET WORTH 5/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 10/15

Junko Enoshima's extensive data analysis has proven to be critical in the efforts to fully optimize the SiIva AI. However, multiple of her fellow employees have filed reports to HR with regard to her behavior, citing frequent instances of her broaching inappropriate and/or uncomfortable topics of conversation. Regardless, reprimanding her is not recommended unless absolutely necessary. For lack of a better term, she... gets off on it too much.


Science Team
Dr. Marion Wheeler
  • [EXPUNGED]

Date of Employment: [EXPUNGED]

PRODUCTIVITY [EXPUNGED]
BEHAVIOUR [EXPUNGED]
NET WORTH [EXPUNGED]
OVERALL PERFORMANCE [EXPUNGED]

Dr. Marion Wheeler (not pictured) has made substantial headway into the granular mechanics of Figments and Figment death, despite contradictory reports stating she has never been an official employee of our company. Her enthusiasm is appreciated, but further investigation into her background is warranted regardless.


Science Team
Professor Elvin Gadd
  • Thanatologist
  • Roboticist
Date of Employment: January 22nd, 2017
PRODUCTIVITY 2/5
BEHAVIOUR 4/5
NET WORTH 3/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 9/15
Science Team
Dr. Edgar George Zomboss
  • Thanatologist
  • Roboticist
Date of Employment: May 10th, 2017
PRODUCTIVITY 2/5
BEHAVIOUR 3/5
NET WORTH 2/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 7/15

Professor Elvin Gadd and Dr. Edgar George Zomboss have made almost no progress with their supernatural research in support of our search for Haltmann's daughter. Their admittedly proven track record in said field has granted them some leeway up until now, but if there are no tangible results within the quarter, this egregious case of time theft should be dealt with swiftly.


Science Team
Jackson Colero
  • Roboticist
  • Biologist
Date of Employment: December 15th, 2016
PRODUCTIVITY 2/5
BEHAVIOUR 2/5
NET WORTH 1/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 5/15

Jackson Colero has been caught on several occasions pleasuring himself in the company restrooms during his off-time. Consider reducing Colero's allotted visiting hours with his uncle, Richard Cabesa.


Science Team
Sheldon J. Plankton
  • Roboticist
  • Biologist
Date of Employment: March 14th, 2017
PRODUCTIVITY 3/5
BEHAVIOUR 1/5
NET WORTH 0/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 4/15

Researcher Sheldon J. Plankton was caught creating unauthorized machinery using company resources for extracurricular purposes. When further pressed on the matter, Plankton refused to elaborate on his plans. Despite this, no disciplinary action is necessary. Karma will do the work for us.


Science Team
Dr. Neo Periwinkle Cortex
  • Geneticist
  • Biologist
  • Roboticist
Date of Employment: May 3rd, 2019
PRODUCTIVITY 1/5
BEHAVIOUR 1/5
NET WORTH 1/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 3/15
Science Team
Colress
  • Biologist
  • Geneticist
  • Roboticist
Date of Employment: August 26th, 2017
PRODUCTIVITY 4/5
BEHAVIOUR 3/5
NET WORTH 4/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 11/15

Dr. Neo Cortex and researcher Colress engaged in an unsanctioned fight using genetically modified animals and Pokémon, causing major damage to company equipment. As Colress is not a repeat offender, a slap on the wrist is sufficient punishment for him. However, the same cannot be said of Dr. Cortex, and it is recommended that his animals be euthanized immediately.


Science Team
William Afton
  • Roboticist
  • Thanatologist
Date of Employment: December 15th, 2016
PRODUCTIVITY 0/5
BEHAVIOUR 0/5
NET WORTH 0/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 0/15

William Afton (not pictured) continues to ignore all requests for updates on his research. Upper management continues to not care.


Military Forces
Howard Matthew Moses Long
  • Major General
Date of Employment: December 14th, 2016
PRODUCTIVITY 5/5
BEHAVIOUR 5/5
NET WORTH 5/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 15/15

While we are still looking for suitable replacement for the late General Joe Vargas, General Howie Long has currently taken initiative in invading unconquered land. His unusual war cry has very effectively induced fear into anyone that may stand in his way. Should he keep up this pace, I suggest fulfilling his request for control over the Haltmann Record Shop.


Military Forces
Peter Löwenbräu Griffin Sr.
  • Sergeant First Class
Date of Employment: December 14th, 2016
PRODUCTIVITY 5/5
BEHAVIOUR 5/5
NET WORTH 5/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 15/15

Peter Griffin has successfully conquered and claimed the whole of Rhode Island as "Petoria", as previously promised to Petter in exchange for his loyalty to The Voice Inside Your Head. To demoralize potential resistors, he has elected to use his own specialized dirigible, the Hindenpeter, to block out all sunlight over the territory. In the wake of these outstanding achievements, upper management should consider awarding him the Petorian Medal of Honor.


Military Forces
Kainé/Tyrann
  • Private First Class
Date of Employment: April 22nd, 2017
PRODUCTIVITY 5/5
BEHAVIOUR 3/5
NET WORTH 5/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 13/15

Replicant Kainé (alongside Tyrann, the Gestalt inhabiting her body) has made excellent strides in the capture of new territory as part of the war effort. Considering both of them were initially summoned by The Voice for the purpose of double-crossing our boss, they've been remarkably loyal even after the change in leadership. It seems as long as they've got things to kill, they won't question things too much. However, once we run out of land to conquer, this mindset may end up coming back to bite us. Consider giving them "the sack".


Military Forces
The Grinch
  • Intelligence Officer
Date of Employment: November 9th, 2018
PRODUCTIVITY 5/5
BEHAVIOUR 2/5
NET WORTH 0/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 7/15

With our previous top agent Charles Barkley still currently AWOL, the Grinch has since risen to take the top spot in his field. His expertise in corporate espionage has proven to be an invaluable asset, but his spending is out of control. He has maxed out hundreds of corporate credit cards on what appear to be bulk shipments of guacamole. Notably, this guacamole is priced well above the market value. These incidents warrant further investigation.


Military Forces
Yoshikage Kira
  • Intelligence Officer
Date of Employment: December 14th, 2016
PRODUCTIVITY 4/5
BEHAVIOUR 0/5
NET WORTH 5/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 9/15

Yoshikage Kira is still on standby in the northeast section of Grandiose, where all the villas are. As per negotiations made while The Voice Inside Your Head was in charge, he is given carte blanche to live a very quiet life until needed. He hasn't lost to anyone so far, so we'll keep him around. Just don't tell HR what he does with the hands.


Miscellaneous
Homer Jay Simpson
  • Power Plant Safety Inspector
Date of Employment: December 14th, 2016
PRODUCTIVITY 5/5
BEHAVIOUR 5/5
NET WORTH 5/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 15/15

Homer Simpson is doing an absolutely fantastic job. Somehow, there have been no incidents at the spirit containment plant! I would suggest rewards from higher-ups, but any time we try to commend him to upper management, they don't seem to have any clue who he is. Perhaps I'll simply reroute some of the donut shipments his way.


Miscellaneous
Michael Wayne Rosen
  • Educator
  • Performer
  • Public Relations Officer
Date of Employment: December 16th, 2016
PRODUCTIVITY 5/5
BEHAVIOUR 4/5
NET WORTH 5/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 14/15

Michael Rosen has done a superb job writing stories that promote Haltmann's interests. He previously wrote more gruesome tales when working under The Voice Inside Your Head, which notably traumatized many children. Luckily, he seems to be compliant with recent corporate mandates to tone it down.


Miscellaneous
Professor Quigley
  • Educator
Date of Employment: May 3rd, 2017
PRODUCTIVITY 3/5
BEHAVIOUR 1/5
NET WORTH 2/5
OVERALL PERFORMANCE 6/15

Professor Quigley has been doing a fine enough job re-educating the youth. However, we received word from Superintendent Chalmers that his lessons contain subtle subliminal messaging, potentially inspiring rebellion. He was seen using an educational device to spell out words such as RUN, ACT and EGG. Consider finding more "suitable" candidates for a teaching position.


Overall, the workforce seems to be in a healthy state. Profit margins are up by 86%, research teams have made significant technological progress, and any potential future resistance has likely been quelled. Suffice to say that barring any unforeseen catastrophes, we have never been closer to achieving the goal of our glorious CEO.


- Jerry T., Temporary Administrative Secretary

[FILE END]

Gallery[]

Trivia[]

References[]

  1. "Blob's Epic Quality Rips (Siiva Mix)". YouTube playlist by Big Bad Blob.
  2. "Rips I made or Contributed to". YouTube playlist by keeby10.
  3. "epic ripstones". YouTube playlist by SparkBag.
  4. 4.0 4.1 4.2 4.3 4.4 Credited in this Tweet by @SG_ArtTeam.