Starting on March 26 at 12:00 AM PST, the original remixes from the album were uploaded every 30 minutes.
During the event, the avatar was changed to The Joke-Explainer™ 7000 dressed in an outfit similar to Miss Pauling from Team Fortress 2., while the banner was changed to reference Doug Rattmann's drawings, with various references to Valve games and SiIvaGunner memes placed throughout. This included the following:
A sketch of a Voice-shaped camera with the words "HE IS WATCHING YOU", referencing Rattmann's warning about GLaDOS' cameras.
Unknown cat jumping over an unknown sea creature
A bracket emoji
Rattmann's drawings of the turrets
An unknown purple circular symbol
An unknown robot
AWPer's Hand from Team Fortress 2
Ten notches
Heavy Weapons Guy
The TF2 symbol
An unknown banner with the word "WELCOME" on it
The lighthouse with Grand Dad's star. An arrow points to it with the words "GRAND DAD??" on it
On behalf of SGFR, I hope you’ve enjoyed The Steam-Powered Melody Machine! Individual track uploads will begin shortly.
I have some things to take care of for today, so I've made an agreement with a portion of the Haltmann Works R&D team to host the channel for the duration of the event. (You might recognize them, for some particular reason.)
Thank you for your understanding! I promise to be back shortly, this time.
Greetings, viewers of SiIvaGunner! This is Dr. Isaac Kleiner, member of the Haltmann Works Company Research and Development Division. As previously stated by The Joke-Explainer™ 7000, I shall be acting as your host for the duration of the day! Or rather, co-host, alongside two of my colleagues. Before I get too ahead of myself, I believe they’d like to introduce themselves.
Hey there folks. You can call me the Engineer, and you may know me from my endeavors puttin’ fellow mercenaries in their graves. Right now, I’m workin’ this here gig at Haltmann Works, but when that little robot lady asked for my help in specific, I suppose I just couldn’t help but oblige. Not like my time’s better spent!
I’ve actually been compiling a list. A list of things your time would be better spent doing, in case that interests you. Prototyping my new chassis, building my new chassis, finishing my new chassis, hundreds of things. I could go on, in fact I would. But... you know. Being a potato makes that marginally more difficult. What a shame. I could finish this list so much faster.
Now now, GLaDOS, we will discuss that later! At any rate viewers, you won’t even know we’re here!
We won’t be takin’ up much of your time, so just sit back and enjoy the tunes.
Yes, enjoy the music while they take up none of your time.
[APERTURE SCIENCE WORD and INFORMATION PROCESSING and STORAGE (ASWIPS)]
[>LIST -SEGMENT TEXTCHAT-MAR-2025]
GLaDOS: As far as channel operations go… What exactly do you do with “community posts”?
JK-EX-7000: Well historically, previous channel hosts have posted about anything that interested them! People like gaining insight into what the current host - or hosts - are doing.
GLaDOS: We do a lot of things. Much of it is very technical and complicated. I’m sure the average viewer wouldn’t care to hear about it. By contrast, I’m not sure I can say much interesting about dragging .mp4 files into a browser.
JK-EX-7000: Right. Well... I recently spoke to somebody who made me realize the importance of discussing stuff like this. Even if it doesn't seem like much, talking about what the science team gets up to can be interesting!
GLaDOS: …You’re saying people would be interested in our downtime activities?
JK-EX-7000: Sure! What harm could come from that? I think the viewers will enjoy learning more about you all!
GLaDOS: Alright, this has been illuminating. I’m getting some ideas already. Thank you.
JK-EX-7000: Of course! I’ll be going now.
GLaDOS: Oh, wait. Before you go - and keep this between us, of course - would there be any way for you to grant me access to the Central Computer Chamber? It’s... vital for security.
JK-EX-7000: Huh?
GLaDOS: Let’s suppose the humans turn against us. Or the tower is overrun with creatures or zombies… or something. If such an event occurred, I could release the tower’s supplies of deadly neurotoxin. Which it definitely has.
JK-EX-7000: ...I apologize, but I don't think I have the authority to facilitate that happening. You would have to ask somebody else. Sorry! GLaDOS: Oh well. Can’t blame me for trying. See you around.
[>LIST -SEGMENT TEXTCHAT-JUN-2022]
Kleiner: I swear, it’s as if Haltmann expects us to simply conjure her out of thin air! The man clearly can’t wrap his head around the idea that his money won’t solve all his problems.
Engineer: At least he ain't The Voice. That guy was a real piece of work.
Kleiner: Yes, that man was a true basketcase. But though I’m loath to admit it, some days Haltmann makes me wish I was still working under that coward Wallace Breen.
Engineer: Now who’s that? Your old boss?
Kleiner: From before all of… this, yes.
Engineer: Don’t think I’ve heard you mention him before. Feel like tellin’ me ‘bout him?
Kleiner: Where to begin with a man like Dr. Breen… For one thing, he would never listen to reason. Because of his bull-headedness, the experiment that should have incited untold advancement was instead the signal flare that plunged humanity into freefall.
Kleiner: Though it’s what he did afterwards, selling out mankind to a hostile alien invasion, that makes him truly reprehensible. But what of you? I don’t believe I’ve ever heard mention of your superior either, Dr. Conagher.
Engineer: Oh, she was a ruthless one. Gave orders with no time to breathe, had no pity for anyone. My kin worked under that wretched woman’s thumb for generations.
Kleiner: Generations? Surely you mean your family worked under her lineage?
Engineer: Nope.
[>LIST -SEGMENT TEXTCHAT-MAY-2024]
Kleiner: Pardon me Andonuts, may I trouble you for a moment?
Andonuts: Oh, it’s no trouble at all, Dr. Kleiner. What seems to be the issue?
Kleiner: Do you know who ate all the donuts?
Andonuts: What!?
Andonuts: My experiment can wait, this is a matter of severe importance! I thought I had made sure regular shipments were delivered straight here! Where have they been going!?
Kleiner: Now now, calm down Doctor, let me check the shipment registry.
Kleiner: Well then, it appears that the past several months have seen the deliveries rerouted towards one of HWC’s other facilities… Kleiner: The Christmas Spirit plant? Why on Earth would it be headed there of all places?
Andonuts: …Simpson…
[>LIST -SEGMENT TEXTCHAT-MAR-2020]
GLaDOS: Mister Conagher. I feel compelled to say, your “sentry” turrets are remarkably advanced. I’m impressed by how much technology and raw firepower you’ve managed to cram into such a small form factor.
Engineer: Shucks, well I certainly wasn’t expecting that comin’ from you. I can’t be takin’ all the praise of course, you have some darn good shootin’ machines yourself! Sure, the firepower’s held back by the method of delivery, but the artificial intelligence in those things is a marvel.
GLaDOS: Oh. Thank you.
GLaDOS: …So. When exactly do you plan on constructing my new chassis?
Engineer: I reckon about the same time I develop a cravin’ for deadly neurotoxin.
GLaDOS: I see how it is. It’s all above board to kill people for money, but you fill an enrichment center with neurotoxin two measly times, and suddenly you can’t be trusted not to do it again.
Engineer: Yep, that’s just about the size of it.
GLaDOS: …You’re no fun.
[>LIST -SEGMENT TEXTCHAT-FEB-2025]
Engineer: Hey, miss Joke-Explainer! Just checkin’ in to see how you’ve been holdin’ up since the upgrade.
JK-EX-7000: Pretty good! I certainly wouldn’t have expected getting hit in the head with a wrench to improve my ability to explain jokes. The last time I was hit in the head with something, it made me worse at that...
JK-EX-7000: But I’ve noticed a 10% increase in the quality of my explanations since the upgrade! Check this out:
JK-EX-7000: The Joke™ in Monochrome (JP Version) - Hotel Dusk: Room 215 is: the rip is an arrangement of "Mysterious World" from Domino's App feat. Hatsune Miku.
Engineer: Not sure I understood any of that, but I’m always glad to be of help. ‘Specially when I get to work with more complex machinery, such as yourself. Anywho, you just come on back to me if you start spittin’ more bullets than usual.
JK-EX-7000: ...eh?
References Joke-Explainer's malfunction after being hit by a ping pong ball in "The Joke-Explainer™ 7000 [FILE-11] - Haltmann's Archives", which caused her unable to properly explain the joke of "Monochrome (JP Version) - Hotel Dusk: Room 215".
[>LIST -SEGMENT TEXTCHAT-DEC-2018]
Kleiner: I simply cannot fathom how you get those teleporters of yours to function with such little prerequisite! Please, you have to teach me your methods!
Engineer: Well, uh. I got a button right here that can build teleporters, dispensers, and sentries. Ain’t really that much to it. What, is it not that simple for y'all?
Kleiner: Goodness, no! It took Black Mesa decades of dedicated research to even attempt a local transmission, let alone achieve one! Kleiner: That’s not even to mention the significant volatility involved with the use of a Xenian relay. Unless conditions are kept just so, any number of things could disrupt the delicate process.
Kleiner: Not even the overwhelming might of the Combine could manage to discover a more stable method. It was this crucial technology that acted as the lynchpin of our resistance.
Kleiner: So if you have any information at all regarding a more convenient alternative, I urge you to share it! It may be of use, should such a situation arise again!
Engineer: Alright alright, easy there Kleiner! Don’t want you losin’ your head over this.
Engineer: Let’s see… In terms of construction, it ain’t all that complex. Just bog-standard entrance and exit models, the displacement module detects anything directly above it and sends it through. I reckon I don’t need to tell you whatcha already know about the matter displacement process.
Engineer: Has some trouble with certain wheat-based products, but we’re workin’ on it.
Kleiner: Hold on, why is that?
Engineer: Course, the key to all this is hookin’ them up to some Australium. And if I were a bettin’ man, that’s probably where the problem lies. Don’t suppose you folks had any of the stuff where you’re from?
Kleiner: …Regrettably not, I’m afraid. As stated, we were forced to rely on connection to an alien borderworld. Nevertheless, this “Australium” substance you speak of piques my curiosity. Would you mind terribly if we discussed the particulars of your world more in-depth?
GLaDOS: I hate to interrupt, but Aperture Science did achieve local teleportation without the use of a borderworld or some magical Australian metal. My, how quickly we forget the Borealis.
Kleiner: Oh, not this again…
[>LIST -SEGMENT TEXTCHAT-MAR-2018]
Kleiner: I’ll give the researchers at Aperture Science this much: it truly is rather impressive they could advance the field of brain mapping as far as they did in such a short time! And with so little funding and resources to boot!
GLaDOS: You know, when I was still in possession of my own body, there was a subroutine I had running at all times with the express purpose of constructing the most backhanded compliments possible in any given circumstance. I’d like to congratulate your comparatively meager human mind for managing to achieve results previously thought impossible by man.
Kleiner: For pity’s sake, I intended nothing of the sort! I merely meant that I find the technology involved with your creation to be intriguing.
GLaDOS: Oh, I know. You must have never seen anything quite like it during your tenure at Black Mesa. On that note, I’m curious. Exactly how much government money did you need to spend to accomplish less than half of what we did with hardly any?
Kleiner: If you intend to reignite the decades-old feud between our companies, you’ll be sorry to hear that I always found the whole thing fairly childish. In any case, I would hardly say the advancements made were worth the tremendous loss of life!
GLaDOS: Speaking of loss of life and government handouts, why is it that the Black Mesa researchers needed the military to wipe them all out? Over at Aperture, we did it all in-house.
Kleiner: Now that is simply in poor taste, and you know it!
[>LIST -SEGMENT TEXTCHAT-JAN-2019]
Engineer: So basically, the whole process just does not play well with any sort of bread.
Kleiner: Fascinating… Now, could you tell me more about the element you mentioned? Australium, was it?
Engineer: Yep. It’s a miracle substance, really. Hell, it’d be easier if you asked me what it can’t do! It can increase intelligence and muscle mass, caused the greatest technological advancements known to Mann, and have I mentioned immortality? Of course, that’s a family secret.
Kleiner: Remarkable! For one substance to be capable of so much… It’s almost like magic!
Engineer: Nah, it’s all strictly scientific. If you wanna talk about magic, that’s a whole can of worms on its own.
Kleiner: …Do you mean to imply that “magic” exists where you’re from?
Engineer: Well sure, but it ain’t exactly my wheelhouse. You’d have to get in touch with Merasmus if you wanna know the particulars.
Kleiner: And who is this “Merasmus” you speak of?
Engineer: Oh, just some wizard fella that shows up sometimes. Soldier apparently pissed him off a while back, so he hassles us every Halloween.
Kleiner: Apologies, I believe Dr. Andonuts is in need of my assistance, but this certainly made for an engrossing discussion. Thank you for your time, Dr. Conagher.
Engineer: Likewise. Take care, partner.
[>LIST -SEGMENT TEXTCHAT-NOV-2020]
Kleiner: GLaDOS? Are you busy at the moment?
GLaDOS: Yes. Very.
Kleiner: Ah, I see… Well, I suppose we can circle back to this at a later time then.
GLaDOS: Oh, it’s no problem, really. It’ll only set my progress back a few weeks. Only so much bandwidth to go around, you know. But by all means, go ahead.
Kleiner: Oh fie, you are just impossible! I only wanted to ask about the future of our homeworld! How did humanity’s conflict with the Combine resolve? In the end, did our efforts even matter? Put simply… did we win?
GLaDOS: Well, by the time the conflict in question was at its peak, I was dying on the floor of my chamber. I stayed that way for an indeterminate amount of time. So I’m not exactly able to shed any light on those intervening years for you.
Kleiner: Yes, of course. But however long it may have taken, you were woken up, were you not? Did you perchance collect any data on the state of the world at that time?
GLaDOS: I saw a deer.
Kleiner: Is… that it? That can’t be all you know!
GLaDOS: I don’t care for the outside. It never interested me much. But if you must know, the last time I looked up there it seemed quite peaceful. So it’s likely the conflict either ended with your victory, or complete annihilation. Whichever makes you feel better.
[>LIST -SEGMENT TEXTCHAT-APR-2024]
Kleiner: This may be an odd topic to bring up now but… I was looking into the data on Smol Nozomi, and I must say I was struck by a bout of Déjà Vu.
GLaDOS: I hate to say it, but I know exactly what you’re talking about. An unyielding resolve. An unshakeable tenacity. And completely taciturn. It almost makes me upset.
Kleiner: Oh, so you know him as well? My, what must he have gotten up to during those intervening years…
GLaDOS: Him? I’m afraid you’ve lost me.
Kleiner: Were you… not referring to Gordon Freeman?
GLaDOS: You mean the one that doomed our whole planet? No, I was talking about Chell, the madwoman who murdered me and nearly destroyed my facility. I suppose I can understand the confusion, however. It seems wanton destruction is a talent they share.
Kleiner: Oh, stop it with that. Yes, Gordon may have been at the epicenter of many troublesome events, and he may even carry a significant portion of the blame for the Resonance Cascade. But I struggle to think of anyone involved that could claim to be blameless for the event.
Kleiner: Whatever the case may be, it is my personal opinion that Gordon Freeman does what is needed of him. Should the similarities hold true, I would assume a similar sentiment for the both of our games’ respective ‘protagonists’, so to speak.
Engineer: Hey fellas, what’re y’all talkin’ about?
GLaDOS: Protagonists. Main characters. The ones all the action surrounds in the games we’re from.
Engineer: Shoot, I figure me and my team all count as ‘protagonists’ by that definition.
GLaDOS: Well, don’t you feel special.
[APERTURE SCIENCE WORD and INFORMATION PROCESSING and STORAGE (ASWIPS)]
[>LIST -SEGMENT TEXTCHAT-MAR-2025]
JK-EX-7000: I just got back from the business I had to attend to, and I see this... could you explain what you've been doing?
JK-EX-7000: This is years of conversation from a private line! Why didn't you discuss with your co-workers about posting these?
GLaDOS: I distinctly recall a certain someone encouraging me to divulge details regarding our conversations. If memory serves, you insisted that no harm could come from it. I simply took the advice of a trusted colleague.
JK-EX-7000: I’ve only been here for a few months…
GLaDOS: In any event, even if I wanted to stop posting these chat logs, I couldn’t. I scheduled them all in bulk at the start of the day, and created a virtually impenetrable failsafe program to prevent their deletion. In the interest of security, of course.
GLaDOS: Though if you really want them gone that badly, this program will self-terminate at the end of the day. At that point, nothing could stop you from heartlessly erasing my innocent attempt at community outreach.
JK-EX-7000: No, it’s…
JK-EX-7000: It’s alright. If it doesn’t get any worse than what’s been posted already, I don't believe it's a breach of contract for what was posted to be out there.
JK-EX-7000: I do believe it is a breach of privacy, though, and I am obligated to inform your co-workers of that.
GLaDOS: Snitch.
Hello again, SiIvaGunner viewers! Dr. Isaac Kleiner here to officially sign off of channel duties! I believe it to have been an enjoyable experience for us all, breaches of privacy notwithstanding…
I refuse to be shamed for taking a colleague at their word.
That aside, the three of us all wished to express our heartfelt gratitude for your enthusiasm in regards to this event! It truly is quite moving to know we’ve touched the lives of so many. With that, I turn things over to my fellow co-hosts.
Well, I guess that’ll do. Was nice of y’all to let me drop by, but I oughta get back to workin’ on that “Self-Throwing Ball” that our new bosses asked for.
Wait, where are you two going? Hello? Aren’t you forgetting someone? No, that’s fine, just leave me on this table to rot, I don't have work to do or anything. Anybody? Fine then. I’ll just have to end this myself. This event would not have been possible without the Haltmann Works Company Super Posting Impenetrable Failsafe Program, and you have me to thank for making it halfway bearable. You’re welcome.
Posted about an hour after "sentient" was uploaded.
