Like "The Lost Rip", it is a Nutshackwoodman34 story, and it is based on the real-life termination and return of the SiIvaGunner channel, although actions taken in the YouTube copyright enforcement system are dramatized as though they were actually a civil lawsuit.
The SiIvaGunner channel is being sued by Sony Entertainment Music Japan and faces the risk of being terminated. Since SiIva is asleep, Wood Man has to represent him at the trial, which is being held in Grandiose City Court.
Woodman takes a seat at the defendant's table and notices that his opponent, Sony, has none other than Phoenix Wright as their lawyer. Wood Man begins to sweat as the harsh Judge Jerome takes his place in the courtroom.
The court goes into session. Phoenix Wright gives his opening statement, saying that his client claims that SiIvaGunner has used music that infringes on Sony's copyright, meaning that the videos containing said copyrighted material should be removed, and SiIva's YouTube channel should be terminated. Wood Man's lawyer, John Notwoodman, gives his own opening statement, which maintains that SiIvaGunner's use of Sony's material was in complete compliance with fair use, as Wood Man mysteriously disappears.
Wright presents all 7 rips containing Sony's music as his first piece of evidence, then calls Mr. YouTube to the stand as his first witness. Wright determines that YouTube's automated copyright detection system went off when on hearing Sony's music in the 7 rips, and that anyone who violates copyright so egregiously shouldn't have a place on YouTube's platform. After YouTube returns to their seat, Wright calls Bane to the stand as his next witness, but Notwoodman interrupts and tells the Judge that they shouldn't be allowed to use a former collaborator with SiIva against him. Judge Jerome agrees immediately, which Wright reluctantly complies with.
Wright then calls his final witness to the stand, the Grinch. As a proud stakeholder in Sony Entertainment, The Grinch claims to own the songs used in the rips, and that the rips infringe on his and Sony's copyright. Wright is about to dismiss the Grinch, but Notwoodman says that it's his turn to have witnesses, the first of which will be the Grinch. The Judge says he'll allow it after lunch break. Wright objects, saying that Notwoodman skipped cross examination, but Judge Jerome takes Notwoodman's side.
After lunch break, the trial resumes. John Notwoodman gets The Grinch to admit that during his channel takeover, he had full jurisdiction over the videos being uploaded, meaning that he allowed Sony's songs to appear on the channel. Judge Jerome wants to make a ruling, but by law John Notwoodman needs at least two more witnesses. Notwoodman calls Count Cannoli to the stand, but he accomplishes nothing before being shot by Mr Rental. Notwoodman then calls Nozomi Tojo to the stand, who gives a very moving speech before taking her seat. After a good five minutes, Notwoodman reveals his final witness: another Jerome.
The Jury give their final verdict: not guilty. Judge Jerome agrees with this verdict, to which Wright completely loses it, yelling that if he can't use Bane then Notwoodman shouldn't be allowed to use the Grinch, then punches Notwoodman and rips off his mustache while being arrested for contempt of court.
Wood Man and Bane decides to go get some victory lunch. The Grinch asks if he can join them, but Wood Man flips him off and walks off with Bane.
Transcript[]
Click "Show transcript" to see the transcript.
Narration: [6:00 AM]
Woodman is driving to the Grandiose City Court. He has a big case to attend today. The SiIvaGunner Youtube Channel is being sued by Sony Music Entertainment Music Japan and faces the risk of being terminated. Woodman will be there to stand in for Siiva, who is asleep. Woodman is listening to Siiva’s newest album on his way there.
[Wood Man crashes his car into a tree. The scene initially starts to play with the Nostalgia Critic intro bursting through the screen, then cuts off with a test card and plays again normally.]
Narration: He crashed his car while jamming out to it.
Wood Man: Fuck... Gotta walk.
Narration: [6:30 AM]
Woodman arrives at the courthouse. He enters and takes his seat at the desk. His opponent sony sits on the other side of the court.
Wood Man: damn they got phoenix wright as their lawyer. thats pretty damn bad. not nice in fact.
Narration: The Judge takes his place. Judge Jerome is supreme. Woodman sweats, Judge Jerome is known for being harsh. This was going to be one hell of a trial.
[Cut to a shot-for-shot spoof of the Judge Judy intro.]
Announcer: You are about to enter the courtroom of Judge Jerome. The Figments are real. The cases are real. The rulings are final. This is Judge Jerome.
Narration: [7:00 AM]
Court goes into session and the Jury files in. It's a lot of SiIva memes. Sweet. Phoenix gives Sony’s opening statement.
Phoenix Wright: Your honor, I am here today to represent my client Sony Entertainment Music Japan in their lawsuit against the SiIvagunner youtube channel. My client claims that the defendant has used their intellectual property in a way that is infringing on their copyright, and as such, not only do the videos containing said copyrighted material need to be removed...
...but given the damages done to my client, the defendant’s youtube channel must be terminated!
Narration: Phoenix takes a seat.
The Judge motions to Woodman for his lawyer to start his opening statement.
Wood Man: lmao of course your honor my lawyer is just over there.
Narration: Woodman points to the other side of the room and standing there is none other than John Notwoodman, the best damn lawywer ever.
John Notwoodman: Ayy sup lmao >:3] im here to give my opening statement. so like that bullshit sony’s guy said is cool and all except its wrong. siiva was in complete compliance with fair use when they made those bangin rips with sony’s material in them. and im here to prove that yall today lol. I rest my case.
wait youre not supposed to say that at the end of the opening statement oops i dont rest my case your honor lmao.
Narration: John Notwoodman takes a seat at the defendant’s table which is mysteriously absent of woodman.
[8:00 AM]
Phoenix presents his first evidence and examination: All 7 rips with Sony’s music as a source.
The audience laughs at the funny 7. Judge Jerome brings order to the court.
Phoenix says that these rips obviously violate Sony’s copyright by making use of their music in the videos. He then calls his first witness to the stand: YouTube.
Phoenix Wright: Hello Mr. YouTube. You hosted the videos which I have just shown to the Court, correct?
Mr. YouTube: Yes, this is correct.
Phoenix Wright: And you heard the use of my client's music in them, correct?
Mr. YouTube: Yes, this is correct.
Phoenix Wright: Then surely, as a robot, your automated copyright detection system must have gone off... Right?
Mr. YouTube: Yes, this is correct.
Phoenix Wright: And anyone who violates copyright so egregiously should not have any place on your platform, right?
Mr. YouTube: Yes, this is correct.
Phoenix Wright: Thank you Mr. Youtube. You may have a seat.
Mr. YouTube: beep. boop.
Narration: YouTube returns to their seat.
Wright calls his second witness to the stand: Bane.
Phoenix Wright: Mr. Bane, is it true that you've worked with my opponent in the past?
Bane: Yes, this is true.
Phoenix Wright: So surely, you're familiar with their work.
Bane: I am.
Phoenix Wright: Within his work have you ever heard any music owned by Sony Entertainment Music Japan?
Bane: I believe I have.
John Notwoodman:[With Phoenix Wright "Objection!" bubble] Objection!
Narration: Notwoodman stands up, slamming his hands on the desk.
John Notwoodman: Your honor they should not be allowed to use a former collaborator of my client’s against me… i mean him!
Narration: Judge Jerome agrees immidiately.
Phoenix seems flustered.
Phoenix Wright: Your honor you can't be agreeing with him!! There is no reason for Mr. Bane not to be able to testify against the defendant!
Narration: Judge Jerome tells Wright to know his place in the Court and take a seat.
Phoenix Wright: Y-Yes, your honor.
Narration: Wright calls his final witness to the stand: The Grinch.
A mean green man with termites in his smile walked to the stand. Every step he took was like a million years of sorrow. This man was a bad banana with a greasy yellow peel. Not even a minion would touch that banana.
Phoenix Wright: Mr Grinch, lovely to see you here today.
The Grinch: Likewise Mr. Wright.
Phoenix Wright: Now, Mr. Grinch, you are a proud stakeholder in Sony Entertainment, correct?
The Grinch: That seems about right, yes. A damn good investment.
Phoenix Wright: And you have heard the videos in question. These are songs you own due to your stakes in this company, correct?
The Grinch: I would have to agree. I own these songs. They're mine.
Phoenix Wright: And using these songs which are your property through our company in an unauthorized video would of course be infringing on your copyrights and ours?
The Grinch: Uh-huh.
Phoenix Wright: Well then, that does it. Your honor I have no more witnesses, Mr. Grinch you are dismissed.
John Notwoodman:[With Phoenix Wright "Not so fast!" bubble] Not so fast!
Narration: Notwoodman pipes up!
John Notwoodman: Your honor its my time to have witnesses and I say the grinch is my first one!
Narration: Judge Jerome will allow it, but first, it's lunch time.
Phoenix Wright: You can't do that! You completely skipped the cross examination! This is all wrong!
Narration: Judge Jerome bangs his gavel. Phoenix had better calm down or he would throw out this trial and Phoenix would be tried in contempt of court.
Pheonix quietly takes his seat.
[12:00 PM]
Woodman goes to his favorite restaurant, the minion cafe. As he walks in, all the minions cheer.
Minions: WOOMAN. BANANA!
Wood Man: hey guys lmao. i'll order a banana sandwich lol
Narration: Woodman eats his banana sandwich.
[1:00 PM]
Court is back in session.
The Grinch returns to the stand.
The Grinch: Alright, what is it notwoodman.
John Notwoodman: mr. grinch mr grinch mr. grinch, you're in for a world of epic. >:3]
The Grinch: Uhhm... Okay?
John Notwoodman: is it true that on december 7th 2018, you took full control of the siivagunner channel?
Narration: The Grinch begins to sweat.
The Grinch: Yes, that's right, I did.
John Notwoodman: so you had complete jurisdiction over the videos being uploaded. You watched and approved them all?
The Grinch: I did.
["Baby I'm Yours" by Breakbot ft. Irfane starts playing.]
John Notwoodman: ladies and gentlemen, we got em.
[The music suddenly becomes a mashup of "Baby I'm Yours" and "U Guessed It" by OG Maco as Green de la Bean briefly appears.]
John Notwoodman: your honor my witness has just admitted that he not only has full jurisdiction over these songs but that he ALLOWED them to appear on our channel. your honor i rest my case. nice i said it right this time >:3] you just got WHIPPED and NAENAED on!!!!!!!
Narration: Judge Jerome wants to make a ruling but by law Notwoodman needs two more witnesses.
John Notwoodman: oh. uh ok, i'll call uh... count cannoli i guess lol
Narration: Count Cannoli walks into the room.
Count Cannoli:[speaking very fast] Really I could say any old shite and then nobody understands me, like I could say any fucking thing I want, I could advertise Wario: Master of Disguise and nobody would understand what the fuck I'm saying just 'cause of me accent. That's just downright racist.
[The dialogue box just marks all this down as "[Scottish Nonsense]".]
John Notwoodman: lol what
Count Cannoli: Oh, I'm sorry, I was speaking scottish. What I said was this entire trial is bullshit and so is this story. I'm really only here because im suing a slipper for stealing my meme later today.
John Notwoodman: Oh thats-
Narration: Woodman is interupted by a loud bang. Count Cannoli falls to the floor limp.
Across the room is a man holding a gun. Its Mr Rental!
Mr. Rental: You didn't pay your rental fee bitch.
Narration: [1:30 PM]
After that mess was cleaned up, court resumed.
John Notwoodman: ok well i guess my second witness is gonna be nozomi.
Narration: Nozomi Tojo takes a seat at the stand.
John Notwoodman: ayyy, waddup nozomi
Nozomi:[gibberish]
[The dialogue box marks the gibberish as "???"]
John Notwoodman: i don't really have much to say but can you like, tell everyone why siiva is innocent
Nozomi:[gibberish with a few words and phrases from "Snow halation"]
Narration: Nozomi babbles for a while. The crowd seems very attentive. The Jury listens carefully.
Eric Andre: Well y'know... She makes a good point.
Bob Dylan: Holy shit, that speech was almost better than weeeeeed.
ooooooh.
John Notwoodman: man thank you so much nozomi you can take a seat now lmoa.
alright lol, time for my last witness.
Narration: There's a good 5 minutes of silence.
Some guy who looks a lot like LarryInc64 in the back of the audience yells
Guy who looks a lot like LarryInc64: HEY!!! HURRY IT UP OVER THERE!!!!
Narration: He gets arrested for comtept of court.
After that, woodman finally reveals his witness.
John Notwoodman: alright lmao, my last witness is my dude... jerome
Narration: Jerome walks up to the stand and greets Judge Jerome.
John Notwoodman: alright lmao what the hell lol ok uh haha ok ok so ok uh hhaha hey jerome
Narration: Jerome says hello.
John Notwoodman: hahaha have you pfff have you, have youuuhohohooo
hehehehee ok ok ok uh have you EVER heard hahaha heheh he he
heh heh heee hee.
have you ever heard of bofa.
Narration: Jerome hasn't heard of bofa.
Notwoodman stops dead in his tracks and a big grin appears on his face.
John Notwoodman: BOFA DEEZ NUTS I REST MY FUCKING CASE!
Narration: The Jury all go to the back room to make their decision.
[4:00 PM]
The Jury re-enters the room. Each of them saying their opinion in order.
Bob Dylan: Ughh bob dylan ahhh smoke tha weed uuggh ohhh he's not guilty uugh oooh eeeegh h.
Narration: Judge Jerome rules SiIvaGunner not guilty.
Phoenix loses it.
Phoenix Wright: YOUR HONOR NO, THIS IS NOT RIGHT!! IF WE CANT USE BANE THEY CANT USE THE GRINCH!!! THIS IS... BULLSHIT!
John Notwoodman:[With Phoenix Wright "Hold it!" bubble] Hold it!
Narration: Notwoodman interupts, and breaks the table.
John Notwoodman: the judge said one more outburst would hold you in comtept of court. fellas, take 'em away
Narration: The cops show up to arrest Phoenix.
Phoenix Wright: EH?! N-NO! NO!!! FUCK YOU!
Narration: Phoenix sprints across the Courtroom and punches notwoodman in the face!
Phoenix takes notwoodman to the ground and rips off his moustache!
Phoenix Wright: THIS WAS THE BIGGEST CASE OF MY LIFE, BUT YOU RUINED IT! YOU KEPT SAYING MY FUCKIN' LINES, AND YOU AREN'T EVEN A FUCKIN' LAWYER, YOU'RE JUST WOODMAN! JOHN NOTWOODMAN DOESN'T EXIST, I HATE YOU!!
Narration: The cops dragged Phoenix out of the courtroom.
Wood Man: oh hey bane.
Bane: Hello woodman.
Wood Man: wanna go get some victory lunch? >:]
Bane: Of course!
The Grinch: Erm... C-Can I come too?
Wood Man: lol fuck you.
[Wood Man flips the Grinch off as he and Bane stroll out of the courtroom.]
[Roll credits. After the credits, we hear Bane say, "I think that should do it for you, SparkBaggington. UUOOAAAOOGGH--"]
The credit to "The Voice's Dildo" is a reference to "The Lost Rip".
The credits to "The McDonald Corporation" and "Computer Corporation" are references to fictional companies that are owned by characters made by Keeby and SparkBag, respectively.
