"Virtical Point - Yakuza Kiwami" is a high quality rip of "Virtical Point" from Yakuza Kiwami.

Joke[edit | edit source]

This rip was originally titled "Large Gains [Episode 7] - The SiIvaGunner Christmas Comeback Crisis", and was a troll video masquerading as the seventh episode of The SilvaGunner Christmas Comeback Crisis. However, it's actually a video of Chaze the Chat and PoliSlix instructing the audience how to get a work out with their Bowflex machines in the Blender House. It was re-titled when the actual episode, "Loves the Ladies", was released (alongside a blooper video for this rip titled "Virtical Point (Demo) - Yakuza Kiwami").

Transcript[edit | edit source]

To show the transcript, click "Expand".

[Video opens with Jeremy sitting in a swivel chair next to a Christmas tree and a wooden table.]

JEREMY: Hi. This video is brought to you by the Voice Inside Your Head, and Less 4 More Furniture Store, where all your furniture costs more.

[Jeremy leans elbow on table. Table wobbles a bit. Video cuts to Jeremy working out on a precor Bowflex.]

CHAZE: Has this ever happened to you?

[Jeremy is breathing heavily and wiping sweat off his forehead.]

CHAZE: Feeling tired?

[Jeremy looks to the camera and nods his head.]

CHAZE: Well, that's because you're using it incorrectly!

[Jeremy stops working out, puzzled.]

CHAZE: Let me teach you how to use your Bowflex.

["Virtical Point" begins playing. Video cuts to Jeremy wearing jeans and standing in between two Bowflex-brand machines.]

CHAZE: To begin, you need to wear the proper apparel.

[Video transitions from Jeremy wearing jeans to Jeremy wearing grey sweatpants.]

CHAZE: There you go! Wearing sweatpants is very important. Always wear sweatpants while using your Bowflex, but only on Tuesdays.

[Video cuts to show more of the Bowflex machines.]

CHAZE: Now that you're properly dressed, take a look around you at your equipment: the Schwinn Bowflex and the precor Bowflex. Both these machines are very powerful and when used correctly, you can get high quality ripped in only thirty minutes a day, three days a week.

[Video cuts to Jeremy approaching the Schwinn Bowflex.]

CHAZE: First we'll be taking a look at the Schwinn Bowflex. The Schwinn Bowflex offers five different exercises you can use to work many muscles in your body. To begin, we will start with the brain muscle.

[Video cuts to Jeremy sitting on the Schwinn Bowflex.]

CHAZE: The brain exercise challenges the mind at the speed of Mandy.

[Video cuts to another angle of the same scene.]

CHAZE: What you do is you stare at the monitor and once it beeps, your brain exercise is over.

[Jeremy begins staring. Video cuts to another angle of the same scene. Schwinn Bowflex monitor beeps.]

CHAZE: It's the brain.

[Jeremy sighs. Video cuts to different angle.]

CHAZE: The brain exercise is the only exercise that requires the Schwinn Bowflex to be plugged in. When you're not doing the brain exercise, please unplug the machine to conserve battery.

[Jeremy walks over to wall socket and unplugs the machine. Jeremy holds the plug up to eye level and smiles at it.]

CHAZE: Nice.

[Video cuts to Jeremy beginning to kneel down next to the Schwinn Bowflex.]

CHAZE: The next exercise is the stirring exercise. This exercise emulates the feeling of stirring. Please firmly grasp...

[Jeremy grasps one of the Schwinn Bowflex's pedals.]

CHAZE: ...the machine, and now move it.

[Jeremy begins moving the pedal.]

CHAZE: And keep moving it, like you're stirring a big pot of soup.

[Jeremy continues moving the pedal.]

CHAZE: Keep stirring.

[Jeremy continues moving the pedal.]

CHAZE: When you feel like you've gotten a proper workout, please stand up and move over to other side of the Bowflex machine, as there are two stirring grasps.

[Jeremy does as instructed and then kneels next to the other pedal and moves it as he did to the other one.]

CHAZE: Don't worry. For this, you will get a proper workout and it will not be redundant. Redundant.

[Video cuts to Jeremy standing up.]

CHAZE: This next exercise is called the pull down exercise. It is a very simple exercise. Please sit down.

[Jeremy sits on the Schwinn Bowflex.]

CHAZE: Grasp firmly the two bars.

[Jeremy firmly grasps the two bars.]

CHAZE: There you go! Now pull your body down.

[Jeremy begins bending his knees.]

CHAZE: No... with your arms. Pull it down.

[Jeremy pulls his body towards the monitor.]

CHAZE: There you go! Now up, now down...

[Jeremy continues pushing and pulling his body towards and away from the monitor.]

CHAZE: ...and so forth.

[Video cuts to Jeremy sitting stationary on the Schwinn Bowflex.]

CHAZE: The next exercise is called the Schwinn Bowflex grasp put Bowflex grasp Bowflex grasp exercise. To begin, please stand up.

[Jeremy stands up.]

CHAZE: Move your body to...

[Jeremy rotates his body clockwise, not realizing that isn't what Chaze meant.]

CHAZE: ...the back of the Schwinn Bowflex.

[Jeremy walks over to the back of the Schwinn Bowflex.]

CHAZE: You will see a grasp handle grasp. Grasp it...

[Jeremy grasps the handle.]

CHAZE: ...and then, you move your body. Down. And then up. And then down. And then up.

[Jeremy repeatedly bends his knees up and down.]

CHAZE: This is how you use the grasp Bowflex grasp grasp machine Schwinn.

[Video cuts to Jeremy standing upright next to the Schwinn Bowflex.]

CHAZE: The next exercise is the racing simulator. This exercise is very intense.

[Music fades out. Jeremy looks at the camera with an intimidated expression. Video cuts to a black screen and then to Jeremy sitting backwards on the base of the Schwinn Bowflex with hands placed on the two rods next to the seat and feet placed at the back of the base. Music begins playing again during this scene. Jeremy moves from side to side while imitating a race car engine. Camera cuts to different angles. This continues uninterrupted for about ten seconds. Music stops as Chaze begins speaking.]

CHAZE: Be sure to step on the gas.

[Jeremy pushes his right foot against the base of the Schwinn Bowflex to simulate stepping on the gas pedal of a race car. Then he imitates an engine rev. Music begins playing again as he continues "racing". Video cuts to black and the music stops. Video cuts back to Jeremy standing up again and music begins playing again.]

CHAZE: Now that we're done with our Schwinn Bowflex exercises, we can cool off by using our Bowflex handheld device.

[Jeremy walks over to a couch and sits down. Hancho is sitting next to him. In between Jeremy and Hancho is a hand weight. Jeremy picks up the hand weight in his left hand and begins doing bicep curls with it. He appears to be struggling.]

CHAZE: It's Bluetooth enabled...

[Jeremy begins switches the hand weight to his right hand. He appears to be impressed by the hand weight.]

CHAZE: It's got free Wi-Fi, it's got one hundred million megabits per second.

[Video cuts to the precor Bowflex with the Schwinn Bowflex seen in the background.]

CHAZE: Finally, we will be doing our most intense exercise yet. Well, maybe not as intense as that race car.

[Jeremy walks over to the precor Bowflex.]

CHAZE: But, this one is quite intense. It's called the swimming exercise, and you can only use it on your precor Bowflex. This is the only machine that it works on. There's no other machines, you can't use your Schwinn Bowflex on this and you can't even use your handheld Bowflex to do this.

[Video cuts to a different angle.]

CHAZE: To begin, lay down on the precor Bowflex.

[Jeremy begins to lay down in the opposite direction.]

CHAZE: Nope, not that way.

[Jeremy gets up.]

CHAZE: Move so your hands are by the swimming mechanisms.

[Jeremy begins to lay down and places his hands on the precor's pedals.]

CHAZE: Yes...

[Jeremy lies all the way down, showing his round posterior to the camera.]

CHAZE: There you go. Now, move your arms like your swimming.

[Jeremy begins pushing the pedals with his hands. He smiles.]

CHAZE: Be sure to go faster to make a more intense workout.

[Jeremy moves the pedals faster.]

CHAZE: And be sure to rotate from the other side, too.

[Jeremy begins moving the pedals in the opposite direction.]

CHAZE: There you go! Make sure your legs get in on the action, too. Be sure to move them as well, as you move your arms...

[Jeremy starts kicking his legs.]

CHAZE: ...for the full swimming experience. This is very intense, so only experts should be able to do this.

[Video cuts to Jeremy standing in between both Bowflex machines and holding the hand weight, proud of what he's accomplished. Music fades out.]

CHAZE: Now that you know how to use your Bowflex, you've worked your biceps, your triceps, your four-ceps, and even your five-ceps.

[Video fades to black, then cuts to Jeremy playing on a Casio keyboard in front of a computer.]

CHAZE: Next time on How to Use Your Bowflex, we'll be taking a look at the rarest Bowflex of them all, the Casio Bowflex.

[Jeremy begins playing random notes. The video fades to black.]

Trivia[edit | edit source]

  • It was believed for a time that editing the URL given at the beginning of the video (http://tinyurl.com/Less4More, which redirects to a YouTube video about Superman 64[1]), would result in a new URL: http://tinyurl.com/Mess4Lore, which redirects to a Pastebin page containing what appears to be unreleased content from the Christmas Comeback Crisis.[2] However, it was later confirmed to be unofficial and non-lore by Chaze the Chat on Twitter.[3]

References[edit | edit source]

  1. "Superman 64 - Then There's No Time To Waste!" on YouTube by Poliwager
  2. "Entry Number 7" on Pastebin
  3. @the8bits on Twitter - May 5, 2017
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