In an abandoned warehouse on Grandiose City's outskirts, Wood Man and Robbie Rotten prepare to eat dinner but Wood Man realizes that it is on fire. He decides to open a portal to SiIvaGunner's house and use his computer to make dinner, but Robbie notices and asks him what he's doing. Wood Man says he has just been doing exercise, but Robbie notices smoke coming out of the paper bag. Wood Man states that it just steamed greens, and Robbie goes back to the table. Wood Man goes through the portal and brings back beans. Robbie reacts in confusion, and Wood Man says that he meant to bring steamed beans. However, Robbie dislikes the taste. He then refuses to eat them.
As Robbie rages on, Wood Man points out that it has been Christmas night for an extremely long time. He then reveals the SiIvaGunner channel on his Woodphone, and Robbie is shocked that it is actually March 16, 2018 (Kirby Star Allies' release date) rather than Christmas 2016. Wood Man then notes newer memes that no one knows of yet, such as Doki Doki Literature Club from 2017. Wood Man deduces that the world is stuck in a perpetual time loop, and the new figments to arrive on SiIva's channel are coming from the "real real world" through time rifts. He realizes that Haltmann has likely frozen time in order to make as much profit off SiIva's channel as he can.
Wood Man and Robbie then quarrel over the details of their first encounter, culminating in Robbie screaming in Wood Man's face about him failing. A saddened Wood Man states that he will then leave, and that Robbie is a failure too. Stunned by this, Robbie reconciles with Wood Man and states that both of them should enjoy the "time loop" while it lasts. Both then head out while someone yells at Wood Man that their garbage is ablaze. As both walk back to the city, Dr. Wily screams for help as the fire grows.
Robbie: Really. Well, I've been in a PC educational game and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed beans".
Wood Man: oh, no, you only hear it in nes games.
Robbie: I see.
Wood Man and Robbie started to eat their beans. Robbie immediately spat his out.
These taste awful! What is this, sportscandy?
Wood Man: what the fuck is sportscandy lmao
Robbie: They're like these things... they grow off of trees, and you eat them, and they make you all flippity floppity!
Wood Man: dude i wanna be able to do backflips that sounds cool as shit
Robbie: W-what?! NO! That nasty SPORTAFLOP does flips all the time and it makes me so MAD!
Wood Man: how come
Robbie: Because then he's able to avoid all of my TRAPS!
Wood Man: wouldn't it be cool if we ate these beans then?
they'd give us super cool backflip powers then we could school all the heroes
Robbie: Well, look at me! I tried to eat one and you don't see me flipping!
Wood Man: you certainly are flipping the fuck out over beans
You are UNBELIEVABLE, Wood Man!
Look, the point is that the beans don't taste good and I REFUSE to eat them!
Wood Man: way to insult my cooking robbie. i thought we were friends
Robbie: Gah!! What a terrible dinner this has bean!
And on Christmas of all days...
Wood Man: uh... robbie?
Wood Man: well... uh... oh man how do i put this...
...it's not really christmas.
Robbie: What are you talking about, metalhead?
There's Christmas livery everywhere! We JUST saw Santa Claus!
Wood Man: robbie... doesn't it seem like it's been nighttime for a really long time?
Robbie: Not to me, no.
Wood Man: alright, take a look at the youtube channel then.
Wood Man offered his woodphone to Robbie Rotten, who decided to take a look at the SiIvaGunner channel.
Robbie: What the-?! 2018?
What are all these videos?!
Wood Man: ...don't you get it, robbie?
it's not christmas in the real world. today is actually the 16th of march, 2018.
kirby star allies is supposed to come out today.
despite the kirby games already having a newer villain, we're stuck in some kind of christmas haltmann hell.
and yet, the channel's still picking up jokes
that came into existence well after 2016.
see those videos over there?
Robbie: "Doki Doki Literature Club"...
Wood Man: ever heard of it?
Robbie: That has got to be some kind of EDUCATIONAL club that Sportaflop formed.
Wood Man: not quite. it's a video game that came out in 2017
two thousand and fucking seventeen.
you see, robbie, in this dimension time is stuck in a loop.
it feels like we're moving forward, but at the same time... we're not moving at all.
but how do these new figments keep coming in?
well... the time loop isn't perfect. those figments come from the real world.
the real real world.
Robbie: Well, Wood Man, I'm getting REAL real confused by this.
Wood Man: you know how we came from a computer, right?
into the "real world"?
well... something must have happened that has trapped the "real world" in this time loop.
meanwhile the "real real world" is still moving forward, way ahead of us.
of course, this sort of meta concept is only know to very few of us.
future figments from the "real real world" have been transported to ours through time rifts and integrated into the channel.
but for what purpose?
profit of course.
that's all haltmann cares about.
he wants to make a quick buck by messing with fucking dimensional portals and time, unaware of the lasting effects it has on figments like me.
i feel like i've been here forever man. it sucks.
i could just leave here and move on with my life if i wanted to, but...
...but i just want you guys to be free too.
i can only imagine how 2b feels about this...
There was a moment of silence as Robbie Rotten tried to process what Wood Man just said.
Robbie: How did you even know that?
That sounds like a large pile of flippity doo, Wood Man!
Wood Man: i'm better than you are so i should do the exposition
Robbie: Pah! You couldn't even work your way out of the net I threw on you when we first met!!
Wood Man: that was just one time man, one time.
you don't know what it's like being under that kind of pressure.
Robbie: It was a goshdarned NET!
How hard is that to break out of?!
Wood Man: if you knew it was so easy then how come you used it to capture me?
Robbie: Well, because... uh...
I was just TESTING you! That's it! And you FAILED!
You failed to beat Mega Man, you failed to escape the net...
...you failed to capture the heroes, you failed against Santa...
...and you FAILED making dinner for me!
You FAILED, you useless piece of metal! FAILED!FAILED!FAILED!
You talk all big about yourself, and everyone thinks you're the coolest.
But I know you for what you REALLY are - a failure!
You can just sit here on your fat metal buttocks and rot in this so-called "time loop" for all I care, you stupid dolt!
Wood Man: is that how it is huh? maybe i should just leave then.
i should just leave all of you behind and go fail somewhere else, while YOU guys can all just rot in this fucking purgatory instead.
you don't even care about the bigger picture, all you want to do is capture heroes anyway. and you can't even fucking do that.
you know goddamn well that you're a failure too robbie.
...and that's why we're together.
Robbie stood stunned. There was a moment of silence as they stared at each other.
Robbie: I... I'm sorry.
Wood Man: yeah i kinda feel like a piece of shit too rn
Another moment of silence passed as Wood Man and Robbie stared at their plates.